Things They Don’t Tell You Before Pregnancy
You’re pregnant! Or maybe you’re considering it. Sometimes the positive test leads to excitement, but we can forget that for some people, that positive test can lead to feelings of guilt, anxiety, anger, or stress. Guess what? ALL of those feelings are completely normal and valid. We (at least us millennials and above) were always kind of shown the “perfect” life of carrying and raising children through television or stories. It was something that many of us always felt that we had to have and have by a certain age. So, it is completely understandable when you may feel like you are doing something wrong by not being excited right away.
It’s normal to want children but not physically carry them.
It’s normal to not want children at all.
I have three kids that I adore, and I completely understand all these feelings. Not being immediately excited is the first thing we are not prepared for prior to pregnancy. I was completely terrified with all three kids for different reasons. One being 25 and not sure I was ready at that time to be a good mom since I was set to start nursing school in a few weeks after taking the pregnancy test. Two for having miscarriages in between my second and third children—it was SUPER exciting AND stressful seeing that positive test.
Ok, so the title may be a little dramatic, but seriously there’s a lot we don’t know until pregnancy happens to you.
Unsolicited Advice
Once you feel comfortable enough to share your pregnancy with others…BE READY. Be ready for all the advice that you didn’t ask for and some advice you didn’t know you needed. I like to think that most people are giving you advice out of the goodness of their heart and their excitement for you. But I have seen first-hand with my patients how the unsolicited advice and superstitions can really weigh on your mind. I think you have to take the information given with a grain of salt. And sometimes you just need to find out for yourself.
My one piece of unsolicited advice as a seasoned mom—don’t buy the wipe warmers, it dries out the baby wipes.
Bye, Bye Personal Space
Not going to lie, being pregnant with my last child in 2021 was not so bad in terms of personal space. Thank you, Covid, for social distancing. Prior to Covid (and probably now…I WON’T be finding out), the lack of personal space was honestly ridiculous. Complete strangers will just walk up to you and think it’s completely okay to touch your stomach. Like, hello?! I am still attached to this stomach you want to feel.
What happened to my skin?!
We all hear about the pregnancy “glow”, but not everyone gets the radiant pregnancy skin. Due to the hormones of pregnancy, you can have darkening of your skin on your face and body, and this is normal. There is not a prescription cream that I would recommend, but the good news is once your hormones start to regulate during the postpartum period, your skin will most likely go back to normal.
Morning Sickness
More like all day sickness…the LIES! It is common to only have nausea and/or vomiting first thing in the morning or when brushing your teeth. It’s also normal to have nausea and vomiting ALL DAY. It should improve by 16 weeks (4 months) of pregnancy. But for some women (I am some women) it can last the entire pregnancy. Additionally, when people think of heartburn, we think of the burning sensation in our chest or throat, BUT sometimes heartburn presents only as nausea and vomiting without the burning sensation.
Eating smaller, frequent meals usually helps a little with both all day sickness and heartburn. Try not to go past 3 hours without eating when you are awake. For true morning sickness, keep saltine crackers at your bedside and eat 3-4 before you even sit up for the day…after 15 minutes start your day; this “usually” helps.
Thunder and Lightning
Have you ever been sitting or standing and suddenly you feel a sharp sensation inside that feels like something is trying to come through your cervix? That is called lightning crotch and literally no one tells you this until you experience it. This is also a normal symptom.
Endless Food
A good number of pregnant women feel extremely hungry thanks to the progesterone hormone. However, it is not uncommon to have no desire to eat at all. If you can tolerate food, this does not mean eat everything in sight. You do not need to “eat for two”, but you do need smaller, frequent meals that are rich in protein and fiber to keep you full and help your baby grow. I know sometimes family plays a HUGE factor in eating during pregnancy. Some families believe that if you aren’t eating a lot your baby is not growing. You do not need to gain an excessive amount of weight, that is not actually helping the baby. Healthy pregnancy weight gain is about 0.5 to 1 lb per week.
Another side note that can help you with weight gain in pregnancy. Your baby does not actually put on weight until about 28 weeks (7 months) of pregnancy. At that point, the baby gains about 1 lb every 2 weeks. Prior to 28 weeks any weight gain is only going to yourself. For the pregnant moms out there, that are experiencing all day sickness and are having trouble gaining weight…just eat what you can tolerate, which is normally carbs. You will catch up in your weight when you are supposed to.
Pregnancy Itching
There is pregnancy itching that can be jeopardizing to the pregnancy (cholestasis) and then there is just hormonal pregnancy itching. Once you know cholestasis is ruled out, it is normal to have unexplained generalized itching. The best remedies are avoiding steamy hot showers or baths, hydrating skin with lotion (Cetaphil is amazing), and you can also take Zyrtec or Claritin in pregnancy to give you all day relief. Benadryl is also safe to take if itching is worse at night.
Labor Comes Naturally
Not for everyone. Not everyone goes into labor on their own. There are women that need an induction for each delivery to kick start their labor and that is okay. Healthy mom, healthy baby is the end goal. Induction does NOT equal a cesarean section.
When it Rains, it Pours
Just like labor doesn’t come naturally for everyone, neither does your water breaking. The majority of the time the water is broken for you in the hospital. It is also not as dramatic as it is on TV. Water breaking does not mean you will immediately deliver your baby. It all depends on where you are in your labor. Sometimes the water breaks but the person is not in labor or even dilated and it can take HOURS (meaning up to 24 hours) before the baby is born.
“Normal Delivery” vs. What Exactly?
People always say to me they want a “normal” delivery. What is that exactly? In my eyes it is a healthy and safe baby and mother. But to many others it is a vaginal delivery. A cesarean section IS a normal delivery. You are not a failure because you couldn’t have a vaginal delivery for whatever the reason may be. You did in fact protect, grow, and BIRTH your baby. The only difference is vaginal vs. major surgery. It doesn’t change the way you will love your child. No one is going to ask your child in school how their mom delivered them. One doesn’t make you better than the other. As a mom who has had three c-sections, let’s break that stigma. You do not know someone’s situation to judge how their child is birthed.
C-section moms, you are warriors!
You Are in Control
Pregnancy is really the first time that you start to realize that your life is now driven by this little person you are growing. You really have to learn to give up some control starting with pregnancy. The baby may not like a certain food, even though you were craving it. The baby may not like the side you are laying on. You may have restless nights. Your delivery may not go as you plan. I agree with having some thoughts (a mini birth plan) in the back of your mind when it comes to the delivery but keep an open mind. Labor is so unpredictable, and you really do not have the control that you think you do. At the end of the day baby is going to do what they want and we are just along for the ride.
And lastly….
Pregnancy is 9 Months
There are 40 weeks in pregnancy, which actually makes pregnancy 10 months. We just don’t realize we are pregnant until week 4 or after which is where 9 months comes from.
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